Hi, my name is Kavalya Dhyan and I am a woman – a woman who behaved like a man for most of her life. Or let’s put it that way: In order to succeed in this man made world I had to adapt a lot of male characteristics. A syndrome I regularly observe in “strong” women and it comes with a price.
I had to reach the age of 40 before I began to appreciate the feminine aspect in my life, and I'm grateful I finally did. To truly understand the feeling behind this statement, I must rewind the clock. Specifically, to when I decided to go to China at 25. My plan then was to practice Kung fu, learn some Mandarin, delve into Daoism, take photos, and write a screenplay—all within three months. I believed I had everything figured out and thought I knew it all. Naturally, I didn't manage to achieve even half of what I intended; instead, I fell in love with a Chinese punk—an intense passion that led to the greatest crisis of my life. But that is another story.
This story is about my twenties, when I was very outgoing, constantly active, and never really taking time to rest or reflect. I was eager for more of the thrilling experience called life. I identified as androgynous and went through a phase where I believed I was bisexual. I loved the idea of being as free as a bird, thinking I didn't need anyone. I had sex when I wanted it but ensured I wouldn't fall in love. I celebrated my independent lifestyle and was enamored with the intensity it brought.
I EVEN THOUGHT I DON'T NEED ANYONE
I worked on a project basis as a TV executive, and as soon as a production wrapped up, you could bet I was on the next flight, seeking new ways to bewilder myself. So basically, when I was not working 60 hours a week, I was traveling, chasing adventures and always tried to reinvent myself somehow, somewhere, far away from home.
What I didn’t realize at the time was that I embodied YANG energy. My understanding of life's duality, in terms of YIN and YANG, was completely one-sided, and I couldn't even recognize this imbalance because I was so preoccupied with exhausting myself.
That is probably why it was like a shock when I had to slow down after I learnt that I got pregnant in the age of 38. It was like discovering a mysterious new land, far away from my comfort zone. Only then I started to contemplate the neglect of the feminine aspect in my life, even though I considered myself as a disciple of Daoism. How ironic!
So, before I continue let us remember what characteristics are attributed to the two polarities:
The list goes on, but it is important to note that these two polarities need each other in order to exist. Without having lived in dependence, we cannot experience freedom. Without having felt rejection, we cannot recognize affection and probably the most compelling law of duality: Due to death, we are able to comprehend life – death makes us understand that life is finite.
SELF-LOVE IS NOT BOUND TO A CONDITION
I am very grateful that I realized the enormous imbalance of YIN and YANG in my life, because it enabled me to embrace and worship the femininity I was avoiding before. I would lie to you if I claim it was easy to appreciate the slowness, the digesting, but most of all, I found it very difficult to sometimes just bear things. This is a very important point, so I allow myself to get into it a bit deeper:
From childhood my strategy to be seen and heard was, to do something extraordinary. I had to stand out in order to be recognized. That is why I thought for a long time, that to be loved is bound to a condition. In fact it was the survival mechanism of my younger self - trying to get some attention. That is why I couldn’t comprehend for most of my life that I can be loved without doing anything.
picture created by Avia
On top of that: In this masculine dominated society we are conditioned to always have a solution for everything, but sometimes the art of life is just to be. Not to act – having the patience and courage to stand still and bear the silence.
“Knowlegde speaks, but wisdom listens”
Jimi Hendrix
So I started to listen and realized: In order to succeed I traded my vulnerability for the role of being the strong leader. I subconsciously conditioned myself to overrule my feelings by the illusion to control myself, which led to a version of me being a control freak.
STRESS AS A STRATEGY OF NOT LISTENING
One of my strategies was to overindulge myself in new projects, keeping myself busy in order to prevent the void and space for feelings to surface and I know that a lot of women nowadays are doing the same. So the big question is: How are we, women, getting back our abilities to worship the supreme feminine qualities within?
The first step towards us worshiping the gifts of the feminine polarity is to remember.
So please: Women of the World, sisters in divine, goddesses of Yin, we have to reclaim our femininity and stop acting in a masculine way, just because the world is made that way.
TIME TO REMEMBER THE SUPREME POWER
It is not a coincidence that we women are the gifted ones who got the supreme power to grow life in our bellies, because it is the power of the Yin that is able to bear and to conserve. By our abilities to nurture and face the challenges of a pregnancy we empower ourselves to the creation of the biggest wonder on earth. Beautiful babies, perfectly developed human beings - each one of them a universe for him/herself. I repeat, because this is important, even if you choose not to be a mother: We, the women in this universe, own the immaculate quality to grow babies out of ONE single fertilised cell. How supreme is that?
So I asked myself a lot recently: If we can do that, we can also reshape the future into one that is more feminine. I am talking about a society in which women can be successful without needing to act in a masculine way - in which softness and slowness are not considered to be a “weakness”. A world that treasures care work and doesn't look down at women who decide to be full time mothers. A space where Intuition is regarded as a quality, not downgraded as a witchy thing and overruled by rationality and intellect. Basically I am dreaming of a society that values the idea of a WE TOGETHER rather than a ME ALONE - one that relies on the power of the heart and questions the preconceptions of the mind.
HEART OVER HEAD - LOVE OVER FEAR
In order to remind myself of the supreme Yin quality within me, I stopped cutting my hair. So every time I watch into the mirror right now my long hair reminds me of the goddess within who is following her intuition rather than trusting her head.
What about you? Can you identify with one of the things you just read? How do you celebrate your supreme Yin power within?
Here is one of the practices that can help you empower the Yin energy. Enjoy!
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